Just not that crazy about kids….

Full disclosure, I don’t have children on purpose.

I realized early on, that I would not be a good mother. I didn’t have a good mother, and I didn’t want to burden my children with that. Over the years I’ve also learned that I’m just not that crazy about kids in general. Maybe it’s hereditary — my mother was strapped with three kids before she realized she didn’t like children either!

Don’t get me wrong, the lifelong friend I call “sister” has seven children and 16….?…grandkids now, and I would rip the face off of anyone who dared to harm them. I love them, I’m invested in their lives; I go to the birthday parties, baby showers, weddings, graduations, as often as I can. I especially love spending the holidays with them…for about 2 to 4 hours, and then it’s time for me to go! I’m an extreme introvert who’s lived (blissfully) alone all my life, so the noise and energy of too many people, of any age, overwhelms me in short course.

Aside from those kids, I’m not that interested in kids in general, which can be hard in this society when you’re a woman. As an older woman, I’m supposed to regret that I don’t have kids. And because I’m a woman, I’m supposed to delight in other people’s children and grandchildren; smiling fondly at them because they are so “cute” or “adorable.”

And I admit, I fake it. I smile and nod in the presence of children, hating myself the whole time, that I have buckled to this particular form of societal expectation. But nobody — not friends or strangers — wants to hear the truth about their rug rats. That kids are, in fact, noise making, sticky, attention seeking, high energy creatures that have to watched all the time to ensure they don’t destroy themselves — or burn something down.

But to say that out loud makes me a grouch, right? A mean old woman, maybe with a heart three times too small, like the Grinch. Bah-humbug and all that!

So I just smile and nod….eventually, these bumbling creatures will grow up to be adults, and then I can have a meaningful relationship with them.